Theme Music

Theme Music – PicantePants!

by Aaron on June 10, 2010

in Theme Music,Videos

Theme Music! Each week, we give you a bit more background on one of our writers. What makes them tick, what makes them sick, and what’s their favorite John Lee Hooker album. Than we play the music that should play every time they walk out on a talk show stage. This week, Southern-born Yankee and burrito expert, PicantePants!

You’re from all over the place; tell me the best thing about the south, compared to the north. Crabs. I can’t get enough of Maryland crabs.

And what’s the best thing they have over us? Politeness. It’s a cliché because its true. Southerners are more formal and polite and that’s something I miss. And sausage-gravy.

What’s your dream job? Zoo keeper. Or food critic. I can’t decide.

Favorite band. Scott Miller & the Commonwealth. He’s the best.

You have a fetish for older men, huh? IT’S NOT A FETISH. I just think Carey Grant and Gary Williams are superfine.

PicantePants Motor = Running

Most embarrassing accident? I was wrestling Phil Raintree, and I went to kick him in the face. Unfortunately, my knee hit me in my mouth, and knocked my tooth out. I had to wait two whole days to get to a dentist, and now I have a fake tooth.

You love the beautiful game, so who’s your pick in the world cup? Argentina. Even though their coach is terrible? Yes. But if they crap out because of Maradona, I’m going with the Netherlands, and their beautiful orange.

Phil Raintree thinks of PP every time he watches Madagascar, which is surprisingly frequently. Jerome has seen her play soccer, and thinks more descriptive music is in order. Ultimately, PicantePants has a touch of the elegant past about her, and when she enters a room, she longs to hear the strains of Glenn Miller.

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Theme Music – Thomas!

by Aaron on June 3, 2010

in Theme Music,Videos

Theme Music! Each week, we give you a bit more background on one of our writers. You know, like their favorite flavor of Tums, how they picture their wedding cake, and the name of their first sock puppet. Then we play the music that should come on every time they walk down the street. This week, Thomas!

First Car? When I was five, I stole my dad’s pickup and drove it down a hill into the woods behind our house. I’m not sure how I lived.

How did you give your parents Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? As a child growing up in Pittsburgh, I got so excited at Pirates games that I would literally have to pee every inning. This is probably why my dad still hates taking me to baseball games. I hope.

What’s your guiltiest pleasure? Being a consummate winner, I like to mix it up and see how the other half lives. Failblog is my jam. I also throughly enjoy it’s mathletic cousin, Graphjam.

Jerome thinks Thomas needs more meat on his bones. He’d barely make a light snack for the modern Velociraptor-on-the-go. As such, he remembers Bon Iver’s “Skinny Love“. Aaron has always had a deep and abiding respect for Thomas’ appreciation of argyle, the pattern of champions. His choice is clear.

But whenever Thomas walks into the room, inexplicably, everyone begins to hear the opening beat from some TV on the Radio.

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Theme Music: Krista!

by Aaron on May 27, 2010

in Theme Music

Theme Music! Each week, we give you a bit more background on one of our writers. You know, stuff like their favorite cut of steak, their least favorite teletubby, and the meaning of that weird recurring dream about the monster carrots. Then we play the music that should come on every time they walk down the street. This week, Krista!

Are you nice?

I used to be a horrible person. Proof:

3rd Grade: Convinced the new girl in school that the playground swing-set was broken. She appreciated the advice and thought she made a new friend. Once I freed up the swing, I sat down and swung as high as I could, laughing in the face of that gullible second grader.

7th Grade: When playing a game of cards, my older sister was so good that I just knew she was cheating. After several accusations, an argument ensued, and it all ended with me punching my sister in the face and causing her a nose bleed. I don’t like cheaters.

Why haven’t you ever punched someone I know?

My sister spent many years humbling me by stuffing me in closets, making me walk around town with lipstick all over my face, and leading me into horse manure on “trust walks”. If you think I’m nice now, thank my sister.

Besides righteous boxing, how did you pass time when you were young?

I starred in many plays. Ignore the fact that a group of friends and I wrote, directed, and produced most of them under the name “The Barn House Players”. Yes, we made a stage out of hay bales and plywood. What, your friends didn’t?

The Barn House Players Cast of "The Gipsy King"

Prodigal Son respects Krista’s Gurl-Power and suggested One Girl Revolution by Superchic(k). Aaron thinks that people should stop calling her “Kristen”. But since Krista advanced liberty by scoring regulations for a DC area think tank for the last year, nothing screams “Krista” more than the best hip-hop song of all time.

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Theme Music: Mr. Fantastic!

by Aaron on May 20, 2010

in Humor,Theme Music

Theme Music! Each week, we give you a bit more background on one of our writers. The location of their superfluous third nipples, their deepest fears, and the name of their first pets. Then we vote on the music that should play whenever they walk in the room. This week, Mr. Fantastic.

Mr. Fantastic, Third From Left. This is not Halloween.

Mr. Fantastic on Travel: Mr. Fantastic lived in both Bulgaria and Bangkok. He finally moved to Arlington to complete his mastery of early-alphabet locales. Watch your back, Cincinnati.

Mr. Fantastic on Dealing With Pain: Ever heard of a kidney stone? Well a couple of years ago, Mr. Fantastic had two at the same time. Double the debilitating pain for the same low, low price! To make matters worse, the doctor told him they were “on the upper bounds of being passable”. If that didn’t send you screaming to the urethra-shredding hills, I don’t know what will.

Mr. Fantastic on What D.C. Lacks: Coors Original, the Banquet Beer. “I think Coors Original is one of the best beers in the world, and am sad no bars in DC sell it.” If you know where it can be found, leave a note in the comments.

When Thomas thinks about Mr. Fantastic, he hears the sweet refrain of dope indie-rockers TV on the Radio. But when Aaron considers the Fantasticalness, he naturally thinks of artsy photography. Therefore his choice is obvious.

But truthfully, nothing says “Fantastic” better than some classic Andrew W.K.

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Theme Music: Aaron

by Aaron on May 13, 2010

in Theme Music

Introducing a new feature: Theme Music. Each week, we’ll give you a bit more background on one of our writers. Embarrassing details, a secret they’ve never told anyone, possibly the location of their buried treasure, and then we vote on their ‘theme song’. Stay tuned, and if you have better suggestions, leave them in the Comments. This week, Aaron.

Our Fearless Leader Plays with a Dog

Read the rest

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